In Love and War
by burningbroadripple
Summary: On their way to the Dark Continent, Leorio and Kurapika finally have that long overdue heart to heart talk.


Author's Note: This is set during the Dark Continent Expedition, so minor manga spoilers ahead! This is something that I couldn't stop thinking about and since we may never get the next chapter, I felt like I had to put it out there. I hope some of you like it. Leopika, no sex.

Also, please forgive the typos/lack of proper spelling/etc. I did my best to edit, but I'm an engineer and grammar is hard.

Togashi own's everything.

* * *

As Leorio stepped out onto the deck the first thing he noticed was that it was _cold_. Very, very cold. The second thing he noticed was that it was exactly what he needed. He'd walked the halls of the giant whale shaped boat for a couple weeks now, but this was the first time he'd ventured up top. After all, the only ever time he'd been on a boat he'd nearly died, so he took his time and waited until there a clear night with no chance of a storm. Not that the vessel wasn't luxurious, the princes had ensured it had all the creature comforts one could want. But he still found it stifling and cramped, filled with people he didn't know or trust. So tonight he set out to find a place of the ship he could call his own, a place he could feel the pressure of the mission ahead fall away from his shoulders. And when the cool air hit his face, he realized he'd found it.

The boat was large enough that he didn't expect to run into anyone else. A pang of jealousy hit him as he realized the other Zodiac's were likely fast asleep in the safety of their cabins. They all seemed so content, so sure of their purposes here. But what was his? He was, at best, a competent medical student that Cheadle saw potential enough in to bring along, and at worst, a political pawn. Either way, his status as a Zodiac wasn't earned the same way the others had been and he knew it. Even Kurapika, who had only joined to find the last of his brethren's eyes, had quickly shown his usefulness and cemented his place in the intelligence division. No one questioned why he was a Zodiac, he had earned it. And that just left Leorio.

He finally stumbled upon the bow of the boat and decided this was as good a place as any. He sat his bag down beside him and leaned his back against a mechanical room wall. He slid down until he was seated on the deck, feeling the spray of the ocean hit his face every time the boat hit a rough patch. He pulled out the blanket from his bag and wrapped it around himself. Then he took out the beers he had brought with him and drank them, one after the other, after the other, until he was good and _drunk_. "I'm no Zodiac, I'm a drunk man on a boat headed to my death and there's no one who cares." Well not no one, just no one with him, there's a difference after all. He thought back to Gon, how devastated he had been at the news of the young teens injuries. How sick he had been when he'd seen him through the viewing glass, feeling helpless. He was going to be a doctor! He should have been the one to cure him. But instead all he managed to do was get one good punch in on Ging. Then his thoughts drifted to Ging. He realized Ging was Gon's father, but he was also the previous Boar. He was reckless and selfish and didn't care about anything but his own goals. Leorio didn't want to be like that, but maybe being the Boar meant being a reckless idiot. He decided he fit the bill pretty well under the current circumstances. And then he thought of Killua, and how he'd saved Gon. Maybe it was always supposed to be Killua in the end. The bond those two had was unlike anything he'd ever seen. He envied that bond, that sense of knowing that there was one person in the world who was your person, and that you were theirs. And even though he would never be as close to either of them as they were to each other, they were the closest thing he had to family. Well, them and Kurapika, but things with him had been very different this time around.

"Kurapika…" he sighed to himself. How had things become so estranged between them? He'd called gods knows how many times, never once getting an answer. On a handful of drunken occasions, he'd left messages he hoped the blonde never listened to. But there was never a response, a message, any sort of contact at all in return. And now that there were here together, he'd barely even gotten more than a few sentences out of the blonde in the weeks they'd travelled. He was busy with intelligence and his body guarding position for the young Prince Leorio realized, but a small part of him had held out hope that the other would find time to slip away and catch up. He missed those first weeks together (or at least the part after they'd decided not to kill each other). Running side by side through the first phase, battling the swamp monsters together, sharing a small space together on the airship to get some much needed rest. He missed fighting with each other over which way to go in the tower and searching the island together for tags. When Kurapika and Gon saved his life by risking their own to get him the anti-venom and carry him from the cave, he pledged to spend the rest of it looking after the other two, hoping to pay them back in some small way. He'd missed his chance when Gon needed him most. Now it seemed Kurapika had no interest in letting him repay the debt either, but he was damned if he wasn't going to try.

Of course, it had become painfully obvious in Yorknew that while Kurapika was certainly the stronger of the two, he still needed the med student to look after him. Those days he sat by his side, changing the cloths on his head as he waited for the fever to break had been some of the longest of his life. But as soon as he was able to get out of bed the blonde was gone, off to continue his quest and bring home his family's eyes. Leorio knew that he would be needed again, that the reckless behavior would land the younger man in dire condition. And he vowed to be there, even if he wasn't wanted.

Frustrated, he crushed the empty beer can in his hand and pulled out another one. Why did he feel so compelled by the other, even when he actively ignored him and pushed him away? Why did he care so deeply for the blonde? The answer crept up on him from the depths of his mind, making its way to the forefront of his thoughts. It was a revelation exactly, more a secret Leorio wished to keep, even from himself. He knew that his feelings for the younger man were deeper than those for the others he'd met on the trip. Certainly they had all become his family, but it was Kurapika he'd spent his darkest moments with, who he'd confided his deepest fears. He had been through the worst of it with him, and he had been a shinning light in the dark for Leorio. There had been a time when he'd thought that their relationship could be more, that his feelings would be returned. He relished the moments when he would catch Kurapika's gaze from the corner of his eye or see the blush on the younger man's cheeks when Leorio let a stray compliment escape his lips. But that was before. Before Yorknew, before the Spiders, before he'd abandoned his friends, before Kurapika had cut him out of his life.

A single tear streamed down his cheek. Leorio sighed and wiped it away, forcing his thoughts to return to the present. He stared out at the vast ocean before him, no land in site. Cheadle had been straight forward in her description of the mission and his duties. It was going to be deadly, many of them would not make it. And as the least experienced in combat, it was likely Leorio would be one of the first to perish. Maybe he'd survive long enough to patch up some of the others, long enough to put his medical training to use. But that was the best possible outcome he knew, and quite unlikely. Chances were he'd never even step foot off this boat before he met his untimely death.

Lifting his gaze to the stars, he spoke in a whisper "I'm sorry Pietro, it looks like I'm going to die without ever saving anyone."

"That seems like a pretty big assumption, Leorio."

He gasped at the unexpected voice, reflexively surrounding his body with his aura ready to defend against a blow that never came. It was only a second later his mind registered that this voice was familiar, and he glanced up to see grey eyes staring down at him.

"Do you make it a habit of getting drunk alone up here at night?" Kurapika asked, his voice level but cautious. Him small frame hovered over Leorio's crumpled one, mere inches away.

"Do you make it a habit of sneaking up on people just to humiliate them!" Leorio snapped back, more venom in his voice than he'd intended. Kurapika winced at the response, clearly not expecting to be greeted with hostility.

 _Serves him right_ , Leorio thought, _following me up here_.

Leorio straightened himself out and pulled himself to his feet. He quickly decided that standing had been a poor choice and opted to sit back down again, cursing the beer and the spinning in his head. The ache was distracting, and he closed his eyes waiting for it to subside. It had been a few moments before he realized the blonde hadn't responded. The older man looked up but the spot beside him was empty. Instead Kurapika stood at the railing a few feet away looking out at the ocean, his back to Leorio.

 _Perhaps I was too harsh... damn Kurta, sneaking up on me and then making me feel like the bad guy._

Leorio waited a few moments more, hoping the younger boy would give in and speak. He was clearly still as stubborn as before he finally decided. And then he thought to himself that at least some things hadn't changed.

"So if you didn't come here to make fun of me, why are you here?" His voice was not as calm or casual as he had wanted it to be. Instead the words summersaulted out of his mouth in a fashion that gave away just how many beers he had consumed.

Kurapika sighed, "Same reason as you are I suppose. I just needed some fresh air, some space from the others." He paused for a few seconds, and then continued more to himself than the older man, "I honestly didn't expect to run into anyone, especially not you."

Leorio's heart sank at the words. He hadn't realized it before, but he had wanted the blonde to follow him up here. At least that would have showed he still cared, still felt something for the other. Instead it had been an unhappy coincidence.

He walked back over to his spot beside Leorio. "I'm sorry if I offended you earlier, it wasn't my intention. I just assumed you enjoyed finding a spot to yourself. I should have realized you wouldn't chose to be drinking alone..." his voice sounded small and sad, like he was admitting a truth he had meant to keep to himself.

Hearing the guilt in his voice, the older male saw a small opening, an opportunity to get the other to stay. "I wouldn't be up here getting drunk alone if I had someone to join me..." he smiled sideways up at Kurapika, his arm extending the beer in his hand. "Sit. Join me. It's much better getting drunk with a friend than alone." Noticing the younger man's hesitation, Leorio lowered his guard and asked in the softest voice had ever managed, "please Pika?"

Whatever resolve the blonde had faded and he took a seat beside Leorio. Taking the beer, he popped the tab and downed half the can in one sip. Leorio was stunned. " I didn't take you for a big drinker!" he chided his friend.

A small sheepish smile formed on the blonde's mouth. "I'm not, I think beer is mostly disgusting and I never like to let myself be altered, just in case."

The older male was confused again. "Then why'd you chug half a can?"

The smiled deepened, and a slight blush covered his cheeks. "Because you asked me to join you, and I knew if I didn't drink as much as possible in that moment, I would have lost my nerve and left."

 _So he wanted to stay then…_ Leorio smiled to himself with the realization. Desperate to keep the other beside him, he reached his left hand out and tentatively placed it on his shoulder. "There is plenty more where that came from my friend, and it's yours if you want it. I'm just glad you decided to stay."

Kurapika's breath hitched at the contact, but after a tense moment he relaxed and took another sip from his can. They sat like that in silence, each finishing their respective beers. Leorio opened another and handed it to the blonde. No more for him he decided, but Kurapika needed to catch up a bit.

After finishing the second beer, Kurapika felt his cheeks flush. The sensation of being somewhat detached from your body, like it was moving on its own, was foreign and unwelcome. But the heat in his abdomen was pleasant and he couldn't help but smile at his companion whenever he glanced his way. Leorio was about to suggest they head in and get out of the cold when the Kurta spoke again.

"Thank you for suggesting me for this trip. I'm not sure if they've told you, but one of the Princes on board has the last of the eyes…" The older male sat in stunned silence.

 _The last of the eyes belong to someone on this ship?! No wonder Pika hasn't given me the time of the day. Being so close to someone that has everything you hold dear to you must be agony…_

"I don't know if he's brought them onto the ship with him, but he is here. I've never been so close Leorio. All these years of searching, everything I've done to get them back. The sacrifices I've made…." He looked down as he spoke, refusing to make eye contact with the brunette. "It may all be over soon."

"And then what will you do?" Leorio asked, caution in his voice, fearful of what the answer may be.

"I don't know yet. First I'll give them a funeral, just as I did the others. And then the church will be their resting place. It's not the traditional way of course, but with so many years since I buried my clan and no way to tell who each pair belong to, it's the best I can do. After that…" the smaller boy pulled his knees into his chest, wrapping his arms around himself as a shiver ran down his spine. Instinctively, Leorio move his hand from his right shoulder to the left and pulled him closer. He wrapped the blanket around them both and they stayed like that in silence for a few moments.

"After that, I don't know what I'll do. I don't want to fight anymore Leorio. I'm so tired of vengeance. I'm so tired of being on my own and pushing away the people I love, even if it's to keep them safe." His voice was barely above a whisper. Why was he admitting these things out loud? Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was the company. Either way, it felt like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Well if this is truly the end of your journey and you want to leave the mafia and your life as a blacklist hunter behind, then I'd be happy to have a traveling companion. I mean, assuming we both get back from the Dark Continent alive..." his mood became gloomy as his thoughts returned to the expedition and his likely death during it.

The Kurta reflected on the offer, then smiled back at him. "That seems like a lifetime away Leorio. But if we manage to survive, I think I'd like to travel together again very much. It's been so long since I had a place to call home - a family. I made it a point not to let my desire for those luxuries distract me from my purpose. But I suppose if I complete my mission, then maybe…" his voice drifted off, not willing to commit to something that may never come to pass.

"Well despite your best efforts, you still found a family buddy. Me, Gon and even that brat Killua, we're your family. Whether you like it-" He pointed a finger at Kurapika and tapped him on the shoulder to emphasize his point, "or-" _tap_ "not!" _tap_. The blonde did his best to hide a smile. Satisfied, Leorio spoke again, this time quieter. "I know how you feel though, I barely remember my folks. It was always just me and Pietro, and when he died, I thought I'd never have that again. That feeling of family. And then I met you three. And for the first time in a long time, I was surrounded by people I loved. You guys are my whole world. 'Specially you…"

A moment later, Leorio felt a small hand move under their shared blanket to lightly rest on his left knee. Fearful the wrong words would cause the blonde to retract it, he opted for silence. After a few moments he shifted his own right hand out across his body, placing it next to the other man's. Tentatively, he brushed his finger along the back of the other hand. Kurapika stiffened briefly, then relaxed into the motion. He rolled his wrist so that the back of his palm rested on Leorio's thigh. Taking this as an invitation, the taller man continued to brush light strokes on his palm, his fingers, finally allowing his own palm to hover over the others. Leorio's heart raced, his palm hanging in the air for what felt like an eternity, half expecting the other to swat it away. Relief flooded over him as he felt the smaller fingers reach up to entwine with his. He could have stayed like that forever, left arm draped over the Kurta, right hands laced together.

 _I guess he does care. Maybe I won't die alone…_

But the peace of the moment and his thoughts were broken when Kurapika shifted beside him. Instinctively he tried to let go and move over, fearful the blonde regretted his actions and hoping to give him space. Instead he found himself held in place by two strong hands. His heart was racing again, faster this time and he felt frozen in his position, unsure of what to do. He decided the best action was inaction, and allowed the kurta to make the next move.

Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long. Kurapika turned his body slightly to the right so that he was leaning up against the taller male's chest. His head fell onto the other's shoulder, and he nuzzled his face into the crook of Leorio's neck, soaking up the warmth that poured from him. "Despite my best efforts Leorio, it seems I haven't been able to get you to give up on me." He let his eyes open and close slowly, leaving small butterfly kisses along Leorio's jaw as his lips ghosted over his collar bone. Leorio stayed frozen during all of this, but was unable to keep a whimper from escaping his lips. It seemed this was all the response the blonde needed to continue, bolder and hungrier than before. His mouth moved up from the soft patch near the others throat to his jaw, then hovered at the corner of his mouth, tempting Leorio to make the final move. "And I'm very glad for that. You're important to me too."

Despite the overwhelming evidence that this was something they both wanted, he hesitated to close the gap. After the years of waiting, he knew this would change their relationship in a permanent way. If he allowed this kiss to happen, if he finally got to have Kurapika the way he'd only let himself dream in private quiet moments it would be too much to have to let him go again. But he was wrenched from his own thoughts at the slight motion of the Kurta beginning to pull away, forcing Leorio's mind back to the present.

His heart sunk with the realization that he had waited too long, that his hesitation had been misconstrued by the blonde as a desire not to return the invitation. He panicked momentarily, and then as if his body had decided that his brain was just screwing it all up, his right arm reached up to cup the blonde's face and pull it back towards his own. Their lips met- soft, warm, and all too brief. Leorio sighed at the loss of contact, but forced himself to open his eyes. Starring directly back at him were a pair so beautiful he was, for the first time in his life, honestly speechless.

Words may have failed him, but the look on Kurapika's face said everything he needed to know. There was pain and suffering and crippling loneliness, but there was also desire and mirth and a hint of what could only be hope. He moved his hand from the blonde's cheek, weaving it into his hair as it came to rest on the back of his head. And then suddenly there were hands on his shoulders pulling him back in and this time it was a crash of lips and heat and breath and longing. He felt his back pressed against the wall as the smaller man moved to straddle his lap. He smiled with surprise at the action, but it seemed all hesitation had left them both.

The blonde was unrelenting, pressing hot kisses down his jawline, across his neck, nipping at the sensitive skin that covered his collar bone. Instinctively he gripped Kurapika's thighs, needing at them as he pulled them down so the other's body would brush across his where he wanted contact the most. His need for more intimate attention was quickly becoming unbearable. He moved his hands to the blonde's belt quickly undoing the fastening. And then just as fast as it had started, all of the younger man's movement came a screeching halt.

Cursing himself, Leorio looked up at Kurapika, ready to apologize for going too far. "Shit Pika, I'm sorry, I just –" he stopped his apology short when instead of finding the blonde looking back in anger or fear, he saw a calm expression with a slight smile forming at the corners.

"You really thought I'd let my first sexual experience be outside, in the cold, on the deck of a boat?" His expression was now a full on smirk.

Leorio couldn't help but smile back. _Of course not, that would be far too undignified for the Kurta…_

Kurapika placed a final, chaste kiss on his lips then pushed himself up to stand. He brushed off his suit, buckled his belt, and held out a hand for the taller man. "Come on, we should get inside. It's freezing and any warmth I had from the beer has long worn off. Besides, the other guards will be on duty."

Leorio stared back, puzzled by his meaning, but took the outstretched hand and pulled himself up as well. He threw the blanket and the empty cans back in his briefcase and then turned to the blonde, only to find him walking back towards the entrance to the ship.

Kurapika paused and gave him one final look over his shoulder. "Didn't you hear me? The others are on duty, and I _, obviously_ , am not. So my quarters will be empty… and I'll make sure we aren't disturbed."

"Oh!" A blush formed over Leorio's cheeks. He couldn't remember ever trying to get somewhere faster in his life.


End file.
